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GrandBob: Corny Jokes

Send me your corniest joke or a good riddle. I'll include it here. And check out more new author's names below. Can you think of other good ones that we could use? Send them to me and I'll post them. Special thanks to Shirley for sending in the latest joke.
New Message from GrandBob
Can a Mime
make a rhyme?
Sure a Mime
can make a rhyme.
But who would
hear it?

- Thanks to Shirley
Adam Zapple
JOHNNY: I know a lady who has 500 cats.

BRAINY BILLY: You've got to be kitten me.
Horace Cope
SCIENCE TEACHER: Why does blood rush to your head when you stand on your head, but doesn't rush to your feet when you stand on your feet?

BRAINY BILLY: Your feet aren't empty!
Linda Neer
Q: What did the snail say, when he hitched a ride on the back of the turtle?

Dell Pickler
If you sit on a tack I'm sure you'll rise to great heights.
Raynor Schein
Q: What did the tack detective say about solving his case?

A: I'll get to the bottom of this if you'll point me in the right direction.
Farrell Katz
If Pinocchio's nose were twelve inches long would it actually be a foot?
Turner Ober
EXCITED FIRST GRADER: I learned how to write in school today.

MOTHER: What did you write?

EXCITED FIRST GRADER: I don't know. They haven't taught us how to read yet!
Clay Potts
TEACHER: Billy, if you put your hand in your pocket and found 50 cents, and put you hand in your other pocket and found another 50 cents, what would you have?

BRAINY BILLY: I'd have on somebody else's pants.
Misty Peakes
Q: What did Paul Revere say at the end of his famous ride?

A: Whoa!
Payden Bills
Q: What does a cell phone give his girlfriend?

Bea Haver
TEACHER: Billy, you missed school yesterday, didn't you?

BRAINY BILLY: Not very much.
Ben Dover
I dreamed that I was a muffler. When I woke up I was exhausted.
Shifty Gere
Q: What's another name for a helpful Eskimo?

A: A Cool Aide
Downey Hatch
Q: You can pick a guitar, and you can pick cotton, but can you pick-a-dilly?

A: Yes, if you're taking it out of the pickle jar.
Otto Moe Beale
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Adam Upp
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Carey Mae Bach
Have you ever heard of a psychic winning the lottery?
Shirley U. Gest
RECEPTIONIST: Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room.

DOCTOR: Tell him I can't see him now.
Roland Penn
Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?

A: Beef Jerky
Ona Dare
Q: What is red, blue, and green and flies?

A: A super pickle!
Layton Talent
PATIENT: Doctor, Nobody notices me. I think I must be invisible.

DOCTOR: Who said that?
Hayden Sikh
TEACHER: Billy, how do you spell "crocodile"?


TEACHER: No, that's wrong.

BRAINY BILLY: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
Duncan Poole
PATIENT: Doctor, I think I'm shrinking.

DOCTOR: Calm down. Be a little patient.
Royce Piloff
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